Contentment vs Confusion

In reality I guess those should be put in the opposite order as it is confusion that prompted an email I sent out earlier.  I was, and truth be told, still am confused on some issues.  Those issues particularly relate to a yearly theme, namely my yearly theme.  The last three years I have had a yearly theme,  2008 it was Articulate, 2009 it was Prepare, 2010 it was Anticipate.  The first two I was able to do a wrap up fairly easily at the end of the year.  And at the beginning of this year I was ecstatic to anticipate what God was going to do.  I had some very, very specific hopes and dreams as to what this would be.  But as I end the year in much the same place I was at the beginning of the year I look back in confusion.  I wonder "Did I anticipate the wrong thing?"  "Was anticipation even supposed to be my theme?"  What? Why?  How?  All these thoughts plagued me.  And I HATE (yes read the all caps with all the vim and vigor you can muster) not knowing the answer. I can more easily say "I was wrong" than I can say "I don't know"

But as He often does, God talked through my words and as I wrote.  He gently reminded me that I have been given a word for next year.   And that word is Contentment.  But, but, BUT  I whine,  "I don't want to be content,  I want to move forward,  I want those things that I was anticipating for this year"  Did you read that?
I, I, I. --- I wasn't concentrating on what God wanted to show me I was concentrating on what I wanted.

Be Still and KNOW was thrust into my spirit.

so I sat still. I listened and I heard some more things gently spoken into my spirit.

just a smattering included:

Be content and know that I am working on your behalf..............

Let ME be Me and you just be you................

Be content to know I have the answers and you will get them as you need them..................

Be content to let the past stay in the past, not regret it, not try to amend it, not try to correct for it, let it be what it was, own up to it and your choices and let it be............(ouch tough one there)

Be content to know that the past three themes, Articulate, Prepare and Anticipate are all leading up to this year, but this year will not be the culmination of them or this year's theme either......................  

...........towards the end I began to get a picture of changes to be made by me this year........which will include.......

I will be writing more, I need to be a better steward of the gifts I am given (time, finances, etc), I can be a voice this year, if I listen and obey.  I will be studying and listening more, and in turn writing and speaking more..........

God's not through with me yet, but it is almost 2 am and I must get to sleep.