Okay I have been in the dumps most of the day, but I read K-Love's Encouraging Word 

But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me. ~ Psalm 13:5-6, NLT

I am slowly starting to feel better.

Advent

Today is the first day of Advent.  I grew up celebrating the season and have done so every year, at church.  However, I have never done it with my family, at home.  This year I plan on doing just that.  We will start our daily study and devotions tomorrow with school.  


Our first service today was on the announcement.  Luke 1:30-31 

But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus."

Short, sweet, and to the point.  Easy to hurry over and go on to the next part of the story, the preparation, the anxiety, the visit with Elizabeth, the journey to Bethlehem, etc.  

However, we were urged this morning to stop and savor the moment, the anticipation, the longing.  Being pregnant at the moment, I can somewhat sympathize with Mary, there is a lot of anticipation there, waiting for this child to come, wondering what is he is to be like.  And my child is just a 'normal' child, conceived in the usual way, not announced by any super natural being or in any super natural way.  Yet, her child was different from the very beginning and she knew it.  Imagine Mary's anticipation.  We know she pondered other moments in her heart, Scripture tells us so.  I don't think that is to far to stretch to think she pondered this announcement through out her life as well, savoring, to use my pastor's term.  

How many moments in your life do you savor?  Take a moment and read those words of the announcement once again, imagine what it would be like, take time and savor them, and anticipate their impact on life both then and now.

Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations,  I will be exalted in the earth"  Psalm 46:10

5 Minutes for Mom Christmas Giveaway!!!!

Thanksgiving

I sit here with family all around, a family that has adopted me as one of their own. I feel very privileged to be a part of a family that loves so inclusively.  Three of my husband's siblings are here.  With families included there are 18 of us, which is actually less than half of us.  When my family gets together, there are only 11 (soon to be 12) of us and that is BIG for us.  To say large families mystify me is an understatement.  But I am happy to be here and to be included.  It is hard to believe that 15 years ago, when I celebrated my first Thanksgiving with this family that we'd be the picture that we are now.  I wonder what the picture will look like in 15 more years.

How to Make a Chrismon

Christian Symbols Chismons

Patterns for Chrismons

Chrismon Designs


Advent History

Advent Day 1

TeachingMom's Advent Directory

Christmas Change

My friend Angie had an amazing idea for Christmas this year, and I am stealing it.  She is putting up her Christmas tree, adding the lights and unpacking nothing else.  She and her children are going to be making all the Christmas ornaments and decorations this year.  I fell in LOVE with the idea the moment I read about it and I am stealing it and doing the exact same thing.

She has some craft links posted here.  I haven't looked through them yet.  I also have my own ideas.  We are going to do Jesse Tree Ornaments, and possibly Christmons.  I also want to do a nativity somehow, my idea on this one is to really make it special so we can keep it, you see I also collect Nativities, having one hand made by my kids and me will be special to add to the collection.   We will also do an Advent Wreath of some sort as well.

I have lots of ideas, when I get home from Thanksgiving I will be looking into it more, posting links of what we find, and pictures of the finished products.  And getting started.  This will also count for a big portion of school through the Advent season,  as well as provide encouragement to finish the book work before working on the craft portions....

Here is one link to start you out King of Peace -- Celebrating Advent.

Themes

For the last few years several of my friends have discussed their theme for the year.  And several have started talking about next years theme already.  Sheesh I am not ready for it to be next year yet, I don't want to think about it, I still have 6 or so weeks of this year to get through, Thanksgiving, Christmas, an Anniversary, and Birthday planning for one soon to be eight-year-old (on New Year's Day).  But, alas, God wouldn't have it that way.

I started thinking on it.  First I went back over the themes He gave me for the last two years, Articulate in 2008 and Prepare in 2009.  I started thinking I hadn't done much with either of the two, but He backed me up and showed me distinctive and specific ways in which I did, giving me encouragement along the way.  I wondered if a combination of the two was in order, I just wasn't getting anything new.  And so I pondered.

Then last night, it was given to me, "Anticipate" - it goes along in order with the other two, Articulate what you want (I voiced my Calling again, with firm conviction and solid confirmation this time), Prepare for it (much of this year's church involvement has been spent with an eye on Training and future Officership), now Anticipate it being given. (What, when and how I don't know but I am certainly excited about the whole idea of it.)

He even gave me a verse this year to go with it.  Hebrews 6:10

¹⁰God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.

Now I don't want to leave the impression that my theme has one and only one focus (Officership).  In fact it has been much more than that.  I can't even begin to scratch the surface in one blog post about it.  I just used that as a clear example of the progression of my themes.

Online Red Kettle

As a soldier, member, of The Salvation Army for the last 13 years I have had the amazing opportunity to be apart of the Kettle Campaign and the Angel Tree program for just as long.  There have only been a couple of years that I haven't been able to ring bells and this year is iffy, due to scheduling and more importantly my own health being pregnant.  But I have found a way to still participate.  Through the Online Red Kettle.  You can help too just click on my kettle.  Your donation can even stay in your local area!

On the job training.

Today has been one of those interesting days where I find myself transitioning into more of the person that I am to become.  On the way to church tonight, I was given the word that I was in charge of the women's program tonight.  That one wasn't such a big deal to me.  I already knew that it was a distinct possibility and had a short devotion and lesson prepared.  You see this time of year is normally very busy, however with the economy down we are even busier and we are adding a major outreach program and four new employees, it is quite hectic this year.  Needless to say the officers are relying heavily on local leaders to step up to the plate and work church programming.  For the women's program that falls to me.  With which I am perfectly content.  In fact I enjoy it.

However, in the process of delivering my devotion and lesson, I was confronted with the emotions of one lady who lost her mother just last night.  The family situation she is facing in the process of this grief, is trying to say the least.  I have never been in the situation of losing a parent much less face the family dynamics which this beloved lady is facing.  So I did the only thing I knew to do, I talked with her, listened to her, accepted her feelings, talked about how I thought I'd react (because she asked), and lastly prayed for and with her.  Like I said it was the only think I knew to do.  She thanked me for it.  So I guess I did her some good, even if I didn't know what to do.

For one thing I am thankful, is the prayer warriors that God has placed in my path in the recent years.  From them I have learned many things, including how to more effectively pray especially the needs that are 'hidden' in simple requests and laying them out to God.

The learning always continues........

Okay so as a trained educator, I know in my head at least, that learning never stops.  The theme of the Education department of my alma mater was "Life Long Learning".  And yes I truly do believe in the concept.  And I love, love, LOVE learning.  There are several things I'd like to learn in a classroom situation. In the future I will be back in the classroom for two years when we go seminary.  I am excited about that prospect.  In fact I want to combine that training with the work I have already done to continue and eventually finish my Master's degree (see my LIST).  But that isn't exactly what I am talking about here.  I am talking about myself.

As a posted before, I have always been somewhat of a follower, doing what was 'accepted'.  As a consequence of that mindset, I have never been very confident in my own abilities, emotions, or advice.  I know that there are some that will read this that will want to chime in at this point and reassure me etc. on those points.  But the point is I am learning to become more confident in these things.  I am not there yet, not by a long shot.  But I AM learning.  And it never ceases to amaze me when I realize these things, when I speak up where I would have previously been silent, when I find that I have my own thoughts to lend to a conversation, particularly when they don't ditto someone else's remarks already or when someone else affirms  my ideas or conclusions.

I still find myself seeking out and hoping for confirmation at times, and probably always will, but I don't fret over not receiving it nearly as much as I would have in the past.

But you know what amazes me the most this time around, is the fact that in this point in my journey of self discovery (as a dear friend of mine so aptly called it) God  is using the pain and mistakes in my past in two ways.  First of all, in my own revisiting and discussion I have learned some of  the positive uses He had for that, as well as now being given the gift of the reconciliation of relationships from that time.  And secondly I am able to more clearly see 'why' I did what I did as well as the consequences of those actions.  And having the benefit of distance of time, I can use what I am learning in discussions with others about situations in their own lives, especially empathizing with someone, or offering a viewpoint from someone else.

I never knew learning about myself would teach me so much about others as well.

Things to do before I am 50

I am stealing and modifying Zoe's idea.  Because I like it so much -- she is in a bit more of a time crunch since it is only a little over a year until she is 40.  I chose to extend mine till 50, that way I have 15 years.  I will come up with 15 things an average of 1 per year.  But several will take planning so working on more than one at a time will be necessity. :-)

1. Visit Isreal

2. Be accepted to and graduate from Evangeline Booth College ~ Be commissioned as an Officer in The Salvation Army

3. Read through the Bible.

4. Finish the Torah Class lessons.

5. Crochet an afghan for each of my children.

6. Catch up on scrapbooks for each child, plus special projects I have started and planned.

7. Finish that Christmas Tree skirt I started several years ago. (it is cross-stitch, with a nativity, naturally)

8. See the Northern Lights.

9. Put together a recipe book for my children with their and family favorites for when they are own their own. 


10. Take my children to Colorado, Texas, and Maryland to see the various military instillations that have importance in their own history (Ft Carson, Ft Hood, Ft Meade, Aberdeen Proving Grounds)


11.  Write a curriculum for a children's Sunday School, Church, VBS, or something similar and have it published.


12. Lose and keep off 50 pounds - that would get me back to high school weight - which wasn't perfect but much better than it is now.


13.  Finish my Master's Degree.


14. Travel to London ~ see IHQ 


15. Check off everything on this list.......

I discovered something about myself last night

Earlier in the evening I made and observation about our second son.  I said he and I were a lot a like.  What I was talking about was the fact that he and I are a lot a like in body rhythms.  We are more awake and alert in the evening and night hours than in the morning.  We are night owls, truly.  If our day could run from about 10 am until 11pm for him and 1 am for me we'd do just fine.  But unfortunately for us the world just doesn't work that way.


Later in the evening, as I was instructing him for the umpteenth time about bed time procedures and the particular duties he had tonight,  namely go to bed, stay in bed, don't bother your brother, stay off his bed, don't talk to or yell at your brother, no yelling down the hallway, no more drinks and potty trips and two drips does NOT constitute an emergency, lay still and quiet, don't turn the light on, don't kick or beat on the wall, and yes eventually you will go to sleep, he got all huffy, yelled at me, called me snaggletooth (his current 'bad' name), and stomped down the hall.  His father called  him back, discussed and disciplined him, including the worst indignation, making him apologize to both of us, and walk normally back to his room ( a feat he had to practice) a couple of times.  After that episode, I revised my earlier statement, the one that said we are both a LOT a like.  I said, well we aren't entirely alike, I wouldn't have done that.


My husband asked, "you mean you don't throw fits" knowing full well that, yes I do, on occasion, more than I'd like to admit, throw fits, and quite readily at times.   


So I had to qualify my statement, saying "I wouldn't have done so then.  It has only been as an adult that I have learned to throw a fit" 


He picked up on the distinction and said "You are saying it is all my fault," making himself out to be the bad guy in my change of personality.


So I had to process and explain exactly what I meant.  As a child and teenager all of my relationships were tainted with the fact that I believed love and and acceptance as a person was always conditional.  At the time I didn't even realize that was my belief.  It has only been recently that I have been able to put words to and actually define that belief.  It has been hard for me to realize this was what I was believing.  But my behavior definitely shows that belief.  I was the compliant child, non-confrontational, always doing what I could to be accepted.  I would change my mold of what I thought I should do and be to fit what I thought, those that were  most important to me wanted me to be.  


Now let me say that I am in NO WAY saying that this is the way that others, especially those closest to me,  viewed me, wanting me to do and be certain things or they wouldn't love or accept me.  I am saying that *I* thought that in my own mind, and therefore I acted in that way.  


It wasn't until my relationship with my husband began and began to mature, that I began to realize the error of my thinking and therefore my ways.  It has been a LONG road to being able to realize this and admit it aloud (on paper, blog etc) to others.  We have been together for almost sixteen years, I can think of few relationships that have endured through that same period of time, with the exception of family.  Most of  my relationships now have begun either around the same time or since that time.  These people know the 'realer' me. The one that I am learning myself.  I still struggle with thoughts and desires of conformity, to a group or idea, but I am learning to be myself more and more.  I am learning more and more *who* I am.  


And he has been my greatest teacher in that area, weather he realizes it or not.  As I told him tonight.  Yes he was a big catalyst in that change for me, learning to express myself and be vulnerable in my relationships. Learning to risk who I am and learning that real love is unconditional.  Acceptance is not love and it can and usually is conditional. But those that truly love me, love me in spite of my differences.  I can throw a fit and still be accepted and loved by them.  


So in short, Yes it is his fault, but that is a good thing.


Now just have to learn when it is appropriate to throw a hissy fit, scream and stomp, and when it is more appropriate to express my displeasure in other more constructive ways.


More on how this applies with my walk with God in a later post.  

Just some thoughts on Blogging..........

I have this vision of blogging.  My vision goes something like this, to write insightful blogs that inspire and help many people.  Yet most of my blogging is tending to me self-centered and tidbitish -- and yes Google I know that isn't a word --

What I really want is to be able to get my thoughts down and processed for myself to learn and grow for MYSELF.  Yet I find myself resorting to the tidbits just to get something out there, to meet a self-imposed rule.  which isn't conducive to actually writing and processing.  So I must think and come up with my  own routine and blogging manifesto. So tomorrow my goal is to be up early to write, before the kiddos get up and I have to be a parent figure, which is what is taking up my days and keeping me from blogging as I want........

Vetern's Day

Let me just say THANK YOU to all who have served and especially those who died in service to our great nation. Let it just be said, I come from a long line of servicemen, as does my husband, If I started naming names, I'd either go back to the Civil War or forget someone and probably both, so other than our fathers I won't list names. 

*SFC Steven M Summers, SR 

*Lt. Thomas E Curl

Crocheting Frenzy

For the last few days, I have been crocheting a lot,  I have finished one scarf, shown previously, almost finished another one and started a third.  I am planning on making quite a few Christmas gifts this year, so forgive me if I don't show all my projects.

Today's project, the third scarf, is requested by Buddy.  He picked out the color and I found a yarn that is working out nicely.  I am also kind of creating my own pattern.  That has been fun.  If it turns out like I hope, I will share it.

11 years ago today

11 years ago today was also a Sunday.  I made it through Sunday School, but did then went home.  It is the ONLY Sunday I ever remember going to Sunday School and not staying for church, but I felt awful, so I had my hubby take me home.  It

I changed into my nightgown and went straight to bed.  I slept for several hours waking up in the evening and asking for McDonald's to eat.  So we went to McDonald's.  Little did I know that that was the last time I'd go out to eat with my husband and only my husband without having to worry about child care.

After that meal, we went home and a nesting bug struck me.  We spent the next few hours arranging and cleaning out our bedroom.  I remember somewhere around 10 o'clock sitting on the floor as I was organizing and stacking books on the lower shelves of our bookcase and complaining about my back hurting.  I figured that it was because I was sitting without back support for so long and it was getting tired.  After rubbing it for a while it got better, and I continued the books.  A couple of other times I noticed the same issues but rubbing it helped.  Around eleven-thirty, I went to bed exhausted once again.

I woke up a couple of times with similar back pains, readjusted and went back to sleep.  The third time, I had to go to the bathroom.  When coming back from the bathroom, my hands traveled from my back around my belly and I realized that it was tight and hard too.  I woke up my husband saying, "I have just had a real contraction and I think that is what my back pains have been all night"

He called my sister about 2:15am and her response "You can't do this to me, I just went to bed 15 minutes ago!"  Nonetheless she met us at the hospital and stayed the entire night, through the entire process and saw her niece born at 9:46 am, Monday morning, November 9th.

Birthday Scarf

So I haven't crocheted much at all, but I do know how and with things the way they are financially around here, I decided to try my hand at a scarf for Pumpkin's birthday.

What do you think??

Friday Felicities

In Memory of  Nattie

*Eating Catfish tonight

*a clean living room

*kids capable of fixing their own lunch

*old, I mean really old books

*cleaned out storage room

*my new laptop

*friends

My thoughts and prayers go out to Ft. Hood and the entire military community at large.

Morning by Morning His Mercies I see.........

I was reading my friend Dana's Blog -- So, Now What? and realized something.  I am in exactly the same  place right now.  Different circumstances and different events that led up to this moment in time, but I am in exactly the same place.  I am having to take it one day at time, sometimes moment by moment to get through the day.  

In the shower as I was pondering this point, God directed my thoughts to the familiar lilies of the field, birds of the air passage.  A passage I taught in Sunday School just THREE days ago.  It resonated with me then, and even more so now.  That and this gem Dana gave me this morning Lamentations 3:22-23.  So at this point in my life I will resolve to take it one day at a time, lean on my God and leave the rest to Him.

Road bumps

One thing I have to accept about real life is the fact that it does in fact involve mood swings, of which I had a couple today.  However the learning curve is what I choose to do with said swings.  I have a tendency to dwell on them and therefore make them worse.   Especially when the trigger is a mistake that I made.  

Today I am having to choose not to dwell on them, pray leave my mess in God's lap, and go forward from that. It is hard to do, because I am human and I realize that actions and choices result in consequences and I realize that I must live up to the consequences. But yet I am praying for grace and mercy, like I deserve it, which I know I don't.  It is a catch 22.

Thank you Lord for undeserved grace and mercy, and the grace to accept the consequences of the actions and choices I make.    

Back to Real Life

One of the things God has been working in my heart lately is routine and self discipline. I work well when I have external forces directing my steps and goals, even the small daily ones such as getting out of bed and keeping up with housework etc. I don't do so well, however, with self discipline, making and sticking to my own goals for the day, week, etc. It is something that I need to work on.

This came in to focus for me last week, when I discovered, realized, that I was truly slipping into a depressive state of mind. And that I needed to deal with it before it got worse. For me that includes getting into a regular sleep schedule - especially getting up at a specific time in the mornings -- and getting the day going. It also involves keeping moving getting the little things done that pile up around here and become big things.

It will also include personal study time and writing time. I realize, now more than ever, I must write out thoughts in order to process them. It is the way I am wired. I don't speak up in conversations, especially deep conversations, because it takes me awhile to process things and figure out exactly how to articulate what I am thinking and feeling. Often when I try to speak without thinking/ writing it through, I wind up seemingly to talk myself in circles. So I need to sit down and write, some of that will be here, some in my own journal or studies.

It will also include an overhaul of the way I handle the family finances and the kitchen meal times etc. Being proactive instead of reactive in our spending habits and bookkeeping. Tracking spending, menus, etc.

These and other things will probably be tracked as the month progresses and afterwards...........

NaBloPoMo -- Take 2

Okay so this is the 'official' National Blog Posting Month.  I am going to do it this year.  I strive to post everyday for the entire month.  I am intending this to be a jump start I need to get into blogging again.

I am using this blog instead of my other one because I hope to make this one my main blog,  not to mention that the name of my other one is outdated -- I am no longer the mom of THREE little bugs, I  now have one more on the way, to be born in late February.

He is definitely part of the story that God is writing in my life, obviously.   Since he isn't here yet, he doesn't have his nickname, that is something that my children grow into, so for now I will just call him Little Bit.  

Anyway that is my first official post for NaBloPoMo for November 2009